Perspective of a Child of Hearing Parents: A Response
Posted by ShelJun 14
Readers, this is my rebuttal to a comment made by the author of A Weeping ASL Deaf User on the Cochlear Implant Online blog.
Dear OpenMinded Deaf Observer,
This is in response to your comment (#59)
I’m sorry for your pain of feeling “subhuman” in your family of hearing people.
I am a Child Of Hearing Parents like you. However, you and I differ in our perspectives of the world. My parents decided to not go the oral route with me, but raise me normally (my mother’s words, not mine) with sign language from 6 months old, and “bathe” me in language through the visible, accessible ASL surrounded by Deaf adults, and the strong supportive Deaf community where I hail from.
I have never grown up feeling like a black sheep in my Hearing family. True, not many people in my extended family signed, but that did not mean I did not grow up bilingual. I was surrounded by BOOKS, and by relatives including my grandparents and many uncles, aunts, and cousins who were more than happy to chat with me through writing, or fingerspelling or signing. Throughout my childhood, I got to see a variety of written English, from primary levels up to Ph.D level, so my English skills flourished.
Never once did I feel subhuman. In fact, I grew up feeling loved, and involved in family games and activities. True, I wasn’t able to participate in conversations fully, but that didn’t really bother me as I preferred to READ. I never felt that I HAD to fit into my family or that I HAD to use my speech. I was ACCEPTED for the unique Deaf individual I am by my family. True, I was occasionally curious about how things sounded, but I never had the burning desire to HEAR. How could I miss something that I never had in the first place? Silence is golden especially when you have 40+ cousins in your grandparents’ house!
As a Deaf Canadian, I support the bilingual approach for Deaf Children. True, more children are implanted these days, but that does not mean they shouldn’t have the advantage of ASL as well as spoken English.
As for technology:
TTY or Videophone? I’ll take both!! I use TTY for conversing with Hearing people through relay service. I don’t mind that. Videophone are great for connecting me with other Deaf people across Canada, and yes, USA. It sure is easy on the gas budget and the phone bill!
DVD vs VHS? I’ll take both! VHS is good especially since you don’t have to search for that tiny subtitle button on your remote. DVD is great since you press MENU button and skip the previews, and find that favourite scene.
Small gas-saving cars vs horse? Neither. Small cars don’t fit my large brood of children… 5 kids. Horses? Sorry. I always lose arguments with gravity.
“Disliking non-walking people to use wheelchair who want to see the real world as you prefer them to look at pictures of the real world and disallow them to explore the real world.” HUH?? That doesn’t make sense to me. I HAVE used a wheelchair 24 hours just to see what it was like for my best friend who is wheel-chair-bound. It didn’t stop me from seeing the real world, nor did it stop her from seeing the real world. It helped me better see the world from her perspective. Those of you who have Deaf relatives or friends, try those white out noise earplugs… you’d be surprised at what it’s like to walk in your kids or Deaf friends’ shoes.
If you are trying to tell me I’m not seeing the real world because I don’t use CI, I most definitely object. A person’s perspective of the real world differs from that of another. You cannot tell me that the world I live in, which is full of ASL and Deaf culture is any less real than that of the hearing world. That is definitely hogwash, and doesn’t wash with me. *
To borrow and change YOUR words: “What do you see in these analogies? POSITIVE RESPONSES!
Moi, selfish for wanting to give the GIFT of ASL to CI babies? PUHLEEZ! It is a gift for a child to be bilingual. I’m not opposed to Deaf babies being exposed to both English AND ASL. My problem is that when Deaf children DON’T benefit from the CI or AVT therapy, and I know of quite a few, they end up getting ASL AFTER their window of opportunity for language acquisition has long closed. THEN, it’s too late for them to become fully fluent in ANY one language, be it spoken or signed.
“The REAL WORLD is run by people with spoken language.” Hmmmm. Define “REAL WORLD”. It’s all in the perspective, dear. My REAL WORLD is my family, the communities in which I live, both Deaf and Hearing, my country, which is officially bilingual, by the way, and obviously the Internet
Just because Deaf children have CI doesn’t always mean they have better choices than we do. It’s all values. We all make value judgements as to what constitutes better choices. I KNOW I have excellent choices in my life. I exercise my choices as a Deaf ASL individual. THAT is a gift I will ALWAYS thank my parents for!
Shelley
* I have since re-read my post and revised. This revision is in a different colour since I have given this more thought after trying to figure out OMDO’s logic.
15 comments
Comment by Anonymous on June 14, 2008 at 5:19 am
In USA, we use the videophone to converse with hearing people through video relay service. TTY is now a thing of past. That is communication equivalent now.
Comment by David on June 14, 2008 at 5:27 am
Shel,
Your article is beautiful and excellent. I enjoy reading yours. Your experience with your family is very much similar to mine. They accept who I am. I have Deaf sister and three other hearing siblings.
Bilingual approach is THE best opportunity and golden/natural gift for all Deaf children.
Thanks for sharing that with us all.
Comment by Shel on June 14, 2008 at 7:09 am
Anonymous, we do have VRS, but not all provinces in Canada provide VRS, unless I’m mistaken.
I guess I’m a bit of a dinosaur.
I do still use TTY to talk with hearing family members who have TTYs, and through relay service.
David, Thank you for your comment!I have one hearing sibling who is younger. I’ve always suspected that he learned to sign, just so he could harass his older sister more effectively. Isn’t that the job of younger siblings? LOL
I couldn’t agree more about the bilingual approach being the best gift one could give Deaf children, but I would also add the same is true for any children regardless of their hearing status.
Shelley
Comment by CheryLfromMA on June 14, 2008 at 7:53 am
great story! just like my wonderful hearing family…well said
Comment by David on June 14, 2008 at 7:56 am
Shel,
Yep that applies to others regardless of their DEAF status as well! LOL
Deafchip
Comment by Shel on June 14, 2008 at 8:06 am
David, LOL… MMMM DEAF status. Deaf, Hard of Deaf, Hearing??? LOL Yeah, I know what you mean.
Cheryl, thanks for your kind comment!
Shel
Comment by David on June 14, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Shel,
You beat me to it! LOL
Deafchip
Comment by Shel on June 14, 2008 at 10:04 pm
LOL! I didn’t realize there was a competition, eh? Better luck next time LOL
Shel
Comment by DE on June 15, 2008 at 8:45 am
Good entry, Shel!
Comment by Barb DiGi on June 15, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Hi Shel!
Awesome post! You have reflected that not all feel the same way as this OMDP when growing up in a hearing family. Although I came from a Deaf family, we all experienced immersion of spoken language environment when being surrounded by all of our hearing relatives. They have always made the effort to include my Deaf mother in the loop and that she had experienced interaction between her hearing cousins. You know not all families are alike…some may be cold, warm, or lukewarm when it comes to accepting one’s differences.
You are correct that I have read several researchers making a conclusion that “some did not benefit from AVT approach.” It is much more guaranteed for a Deaf child to acquire ASL as an accessible language and making it more possible and effective to acquire English. It is just a no-brainer!
You have hit right in the nail about values. Giving children CIs give them better choices is not the case for my children. They both have strong literacy skills more than other CI children that I happened to know and that is the TRUE GIFT to me! Amen!
Comment by Shel on June 16, 2008 at 6:02 am
Hi Barb!
Your comments are bang on.
I agree that it’s a no-brainer that we should provide Deaf babies with access to ASL. I just showed this post to my mother in law, who said Deaf babies have every right to languages…as many as there is…as hearing babies. (I’m paraphrasing her) What is interesting is that she is a Dutch immigrant, and raised my husband the oral way due to to the fact he has lots of residual hearing. She feels Deaf babies SHOULD NOT BE DENIED the right to ASL. Being of European background, she feels children should be able to learn English, Dutch, French, etc, AND ASL. She comes from a multilingual background, so it’s much easier for her to reason that it is essential for Deaf babies to have ASL. It’s unfortunate that too many Americans subscribe to the monolinguistic mindset, which impacts their perspective of languages other than English, let alone ASL.
I’m not surprised that your children have stronger literacy skills than the CI kids you know. In fact, they, AND YOU, are living examples that living in a bilingual world only increases the quality of life in general. That is quite a gift… and one that keeps giving, and giving, and giving…. throughout future generations of children.
As for the research sources, can you give them to me please? I may have the same research sources, but it’s always good to gather more. I find when one is armed with research evidence to buttress one’s knowledge, it just makes one’s case stronger. This is even more essential when we have doubting Thomases and Thomasinas screaming for evidence even though the living evidence is breathing right in front of them (i.e. you, me and countless others).
Thank you for commenting!;-)
Shel
Comment by Dianrez on June 17, 2008 at 2:32 am
It looks as if people like us and our wonderful enlightened families will forever be trying to prove ourselves.
Doubters are talking up the CI with restricted AVT training as THE ONLY way to become “normal” and “acceptable”. They will not listen even with their CI’s turned up all the way.
No use trying to convince the doubters. Carry on with the comprehensive approach and live life to the fullest!!
Comment by Shel on June 17, 2008 at 3:57 am
Dianrez,
I agree that the doubters who believe in restricted AVT training only are not open to our perspective, and that we would be trying until we are blue in the face. Maybe, just maybe a few minds will be open to looking at a different perspective. Maybe not.
However, my concern is this: The Internet is a very powerful tool to reach people who are not aware of Deaf, Deaf culture or related topics, especially those new parents of Deaf babies who are searching for information. We have those who are strong, even militant proponents of the AVT-only way. We need to provide a counterbalance with OUR experiences. We have DBC which is a great start, but we each need to do our part in educating others that the bilingual (as you say, comprehensive) approach is the way to go for Deaf babies and children.
I’ll drink to living life to the fullest!!!
Thanks for your comment.
Shelley
Comment by hearmehearmenot on November 20, 2008 at 9:00 am
Hello. I am enjoying your blog. So, thanks! =) This post, and it’s comments, were especially interesting to me.
My son has mild-moderate hearing loss. He’s 11 now… wears HA’s, uses an Fm in a public school. I’ve tried for a long time to find other HOH kids that he could relate to in our area, to no avail.
Only somewhat recently, did I start thinking that he could also benefit from learning more about deaf culture and ASL in general. Not that he really “fits in” there either – but, there is a huge deaf community in our area.. so – why not try to show him both “sides” – when he is someplace in the middle?
I’m trying to learn ASL a bit myself now… and my son wants to learn also. He will take it in school next year as his language.
Many of my family and friends don’t really understand why I am so interested in this… they see my son as “hearing” (like them) more than “deaf”. I guess he is, since that’s all he really knows and how he was brought up.
I guess, some of my family/friends don’t want me poinitng out that he ISN’T quite like them/us – as if that might make him feel bad. But, he already knows he is different – not worse – just different. Why not give him the benefit of gaining understanding and acceptance anywhere/anyway he can? I wish I had thought about that much earlier on.
debcny
Comment by Shel on November 27, 2008 at 3:57 am
Dear Debcny,
I’m so sorry for not having checked my blog for comments sooner.
Thank you for commenting on my blog. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I agree that your son would benefit from learning about Deaf culture and ASL. Becoming bilingual and bicultural has its benefits… in spades!
I have quite a few Hard of Hearing friends, and in many ways, they sort of straddle two worlds. Some people I know call themselves Deaf regardless of whether their audiogram indicate that they’re hard of hearing.
I’m quite delighted that you decided to provide him with the opportunity to enter the Deaf community and become bilingual. It will be quite a journey.
Debcny, as for your family and friends not understanding… that is difficult, but do continue to point out that your son is an unique individual… this won’t make him feel bad. In fact, he would be building his own identity with your support… an exciting journey! I guess your family/friends probably feel bad about his being hard of hearing or deaf.
As for your wishing you had thought of this much earlier… you, too, are on a journey with your son. It shows you have accepted him for the unique individual that he is, and are doing your best to offer him the best of the two worlds.
If you have any questions, please feel free to click on my email address in my profile and ask away.
Hugs,
Shelley